College is hell
by MastahChibeh
Summary: [A flippin' U] Winry, Ed, Al, Denny, Maria, Riza and Roy go to College. Why? I don't know. Maybe they're smart. Anyways, some stuff happens, things go on and GASP! Havoc loves a fat Elvis impersonator?[Pure Insanity][CoWriter: The Mr. Clean Alchemist]
1. Chapter 1 of randomness

Disclaimer: Cheese is yellow, Ed's hair is yellow, sunflowers are yellow, Eds hair is yellow, I DON'T OWN FMA!

Writer: MastahChibeh

Co-Writer: The Mr. Clean Alchemist

**WARNING: PURE RANDOM INSANITY AHEAD DUN LIKE DUN READ**

**-Sigh- For those who do not know Denny is Brosh, Maria is Ross, Roy is Mustang, Riza is Hawkeye and Jean is Havoc. THE END.  
**

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Chapter One Of Randomness

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"Okay Ed, why exactly did you call us here at SIX A.M.?" Riza asked PMSishly.

Ed looked at everyone sitting at the booth at the diner, Winry, Al, Maria, Denny, Roy, Riza and Jean smirked, "I GOT OUR ACCEPTENCE LETTERS!" he shouted happily. They all glared at him.

"YOU WENT THROUGH MY MAILBOX?" they all shouted at him. Ed looked at them ,"He is my brother and you all were asking for it." he replied, waving the letters in front of them. He handed them out to their rightful owners.

They each all tore open their envelopes.

Winry was the first to be accepted. No one cared that much. They love her so much. Riza and Roy got in. Yay for them. Al and Ed got in as well as Denny and Maria. Then it was Jean's time. He didn't get in. They all just laughed at him. How nice.

Al was ecstatic. "YAY! I get to go to college with Brother!111!1!eleven!1111" He squealed. "I'd better go tell Rammstein!" Everybody sweatdropped.

"Rammstein? You mean that...German guy?" Denny asked and Al skipped into his bedroom.

"No...Rammstein is...his cat." Ed said.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" A loud, high scream came from Al's room.

"AL? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" Ed yelled. All came running down the hall.

"RAMMSTEIN IS GONE!" He sobbed.

"Well...that's too bad now isn't it?" Roy asked in a harsh evil tone. Al broke down in tears.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Riza shouted. Just then, Rammstein came walking by.

"RAMMSTEIN!" Al shouted happily, then, out a nowhere a large crowd of people can running down the hall and trampled the poor cat, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted. Then, Rammstein got back up and then continued his walk, "YAY!" l shouted. Then a car ran the cat over. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and while this was going on everyone was all, _'Oh no...How'd a car get in here?_' Apparently, they loved Al. Rammstein got back up "YAY!" and then, a train hit him, "NOOOOOOOO!" and it pretty much just went on like that untill a plane somehow crashed and smushed the cat. Then Rammstein ran away.

Ed got a veinpop. "WHO LET THE TRAIN, THE PLANE, AND THE CAR IN HERE!" Al giggled.

"Brother, you made a rhyme."

"Shut up."

"You shut up!"

Wniry hit Al over the floofeh head. "Don't tell your brother to shut up!" Ed laughed at Al.

"DON'T LAUGH AT YOU BROTHER GETTING YELLED AT FOR TELLING YOU TO SHUT UP!" She whacked him with her wrench.

"DON'T WHACK ME WITH THE WRENCH FOR LAUGHING AT MY BROTHER GETTING YELLED AT FOR TELLING ME TO SHUT UP!" He yelled.

Roy, meanwhile, was getting an awfully devious look on his face. He elbowed Denny slightly in the ribs.

"Wedgies?" He whispered.

"Waaay ahead of you, Roy." They both snuck up behind the two yelling blondes and pulled their underwear up over their heads.

Then, out of nowhere, a middleaged fat hairy man walked in. Jean nearly jumped out of his panties (I had to...), "STINEY! SWEETHEART!" he shouted as he glomped the man, "I missed you! Where have you been?" Stiney returned the hug from his beloved, "Satan was making me work overtime as his Elvis Impersonator..again"

Jean giggled all girly like, "I bet he paid you more though!"

"No. He didn't"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! SATAN IS AN ASSHOLE!" Jean stated. Then, a hand reached up from the ground and pulled him under, "OW! HOT! HOT! OW! WELTS! THEY'RE ALL WELTY-LIKE!" was what could be heard as he was dragged into hell. Stiney tore his clothes off to reveal a super-hero-Elvis-like outfit, "DO NOT FEAR JEANIE! ELVIS WILL SAVE YOU!" then he jumped down the hell-hole to save his lover.

Ed and Al un-wedgiefied themselves and looked around, "Hey where'd Jean go?" Ed questioned.

"And why is Elvis jumping into hell?" Al asked. (best line EVER XD)

"I dunno..." Everyone else replied.

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(**BEYOND HERE IS NOT IMPORTANT, READ IF YOU WANT A HEADACHE**)

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Roy was like O.O. "I think the most imporatant question here is...is...is Havoc in love with a middle-aged, fat, hairy, ELVIS IMPERSONATOR?"

Ross looked at Winry and fainted. At the sight of...blood?

Ed was staring at Winry's ass. "Winry...I think you...got a little...um, leakage there."

"WHAT!" Winry took a kleenex and wiped the seat of her pants with it. It was red and bloody. "Ooooooooh dear..."

Roy smirked and reached his hand into Riza's back pocket. "HERE!" He said with a triumphant look upon his face. Dangleing from his hand was an (unused, thank Satan) tampon. Winry and Riza both glared at him. Winry hit him over the head with her wrench. Riza kicked him in the balls.

It turned out, Riza was also on her period (Oh dear...) so Winry and Riza had to catfight for the tampon, which involved their clothes tearing, some bitch slapping and Maria joined in as well, being as she too, had started her period. Wonderful, isn't it?

Denny, Ed, and Roy began to throw quarters at them, hoping to get them to fight over that too. The three chicks stood up and said, "Thanks!" unison and skipped off to teh land of eternal potty-ing.

At first, the three wise idiots had no idea why they were grateful of quarters. Then it hit them. THE TAMPON MACHINE (of doom?) and signed. Being as there was going to be no catfight, they thought they might as well go stake something out to eat. They all suggested something new, from Al's cats to Maria's bunnies. They decided on burgers and skipped away to...burger...land o.o

Denny and Roy snuck away from Ed and went into the Dress Barn. They were getting a lot of strange stares from the women that were inside, so they pretended to be gay.

"Oh, Denny, you are TOO cute in that outfit."

He blushed, but not because of Roy's comment. BEcause of the sheer stupidity of this whole plan.

"Roy, you flatterer." He muttered, trying his best to play along. They looked at eachother. It was already eeking them out. They just ran around the store, got a bunch of miniskirts, and paid ofor them as fast as humanly possible. They came back out with the skirts in bags, and ran to Ed. Ed wasn't at the burger place yet, though, because he's short and short people are slooooooooooooow.

By the time Ed actually reached the burger place, it was midnight, and closed, "ARGH! DAMMIT! I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN GEIKO!" he stopped and looked over at Riza, Maria and Winry, who miraculously appeered on the curb. Riza was eating an oreo like a rabid squirrel, Maria was petting a sewer rat and Winry...well...Winry was being...a human? No, not even that, she was just...Winry...ing...yeah. Ed paused and looked at the camera, "Women are hawt, but...THEY WON'T SAVE YOU ANY MONEY ON CAR INSURANCE!"

Riza, Mari and Winry stood up and stared at the camera, "DAMN STRAIGHT!" the shouted. Then they all went back to...woman...ing.

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Eh heh heh...Ermn. I don't know how to explain this fic. Flame all ya want but remember if everyone flames, the FMA peoples will never go to college and thus, they will have no education whatsoever. And I feel I must explain a few things.

Stiney- Uhhhhh...how can I explain him? Well, my and Jareth (the mR. Clean Alchemist) were RPing randomly and, we made Stiney: Havocs boyfriend. XD What? Since havoc can't keep a girl, he might as well go gay. Havoc will barely show up being as, he is being tortured by satan.

Rammstein: We just wanted to kill a cat. YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WIF DAT? o.o

R&R's are uber-muchly appreiciated. And yes, we are aware of the OOCness. Don't kill us for killing FMA in cruel ways. This is our entertainment XD

-MastahChibeh and The Mr. Clean Alchemist


	2. Chapter 2 and random spanish

A/N: This fic is dedicated to YOU. Yes, YOU. Not just anyone but YOU. Okay? Oh and this is also dedicated to all those other FMA peoples who weren't cool enough to be in this fic. SO HA! Yes, I am so lovable XD

Oh and I used BabelFish for the Spanish. I know nothing.

**

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Chapter two and random spanish**

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A few months after getting their acceptence letters, it was time. Time for them to face: THEIR DESTINY. Or whatever. Anyways, it was that day. The day they signed up for their classes and got their dorm rooms. Whee?

AS they were all signing up, Roy snuck up behind Denny and stole his paper! OH NOES! He read it and was shocked, "C-CHEERLEADER!" Roy then burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter...and giggles. How cute.

"ACK! NO!" Denny protested. He then began to whisper, "It is so I can see up Maria's skirt...why else would I be a cheeleader?" he asked.

"Ohhhhh...Can I be a cheerleader too!" Roy asked in a happily perverted tone. Riza whacked him over the head with a...STAPLE GUN!

"You just stay with the football and leave the cheerleaders alone, mkay?" She said in a low, menaceing tone.

"YES'MM!" He said quickly. "Wait...you're a cheerleader?" He got a nosebleed at the thought of Riza in a tiny little skirt and a sleevess thingy. She whacked him with the staple gun again.

"Yes. And I KNOW what you're thinking. Stop it. Before I EAT YOU ALIVE!" She growled.

"Erm...where's...Winry?" Roy said, chageing the subject.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Winry was dancing around outside with a Lacrosse stick. Roy sweatdropped. "Please don't tell me she joined Lacrosse..."

Ed walked through the door with several large bumps on his head. "She joined Lacrosse..."

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ME YOU HYPERACTIVE SHRIMP!"

"WHO'S A SHRIMP!"

Then Ed and Roy got in a catfight. But, they kept their clothes on since they are NOT GAY FOR ALL YOU FUCKING ROYED FANS. Tee hee. Then everyone sweatdropped at their scary...scary...ness. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I LOVE YOU. Okay. Now that we are all clear on that, lets get on with it.

Winry continued her dancing untill...CRASHBANGBOOMKERSPLAT! "Where'd those sound effects come from?" she asked herself, then she continued to dance and then, she crashed into someone! OH NOES! Winry fell to the ground as well as the other girl.

The otehr girl had tanned skin and black hair and dark brown eyes, she immedietly jumped up to help Winry up, "¡Apesadumbrado¡Apesadumbrado¡Apesadumbrado!(Trasnlation: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!)" she girl apoologized.

"Es aceptable...(Translation: It's okay)" Winry replied. The other girl stared at her oddly, "¿Usted sabe español también? (Translation: You speak Spanish too?)" the girl asked.

Meanwhile, everyone else was watching them. Roy looked down at Ed, "Have any idea what they are saying?"

"With my Excelent spanish skills I think they are talking about getting married in a goat..." Ed replied. Everyone sweatdropped at his stupidity.

"No. They are saying stuff like, 'Sorry', 'Okay', 'Too'...and I think I heard a 'you're hot' thrown in there too..." Denny said, messing with Ed's head a bit.

"HUHWHA! NUUUUUUUUUUU!323!seventwelveninetytwo!4!21232! (A/N: ph34r mh l33t skillz)" Ed shouted. Denny laughed at his outburts of...outburstness...

Maria sighed, "No, they are saying 'Sorry' and, 'It's okay, and 'You speak spanish too?' So don't fraek out..." Maria assured. Ed stopped his flipping out and stood back up.

"Ululación! Él es caliente! (T: Wow! He's hot!)" The girl, Winry now reffered to as 'SheWhoSpeaksSpanish' or 'EllaQueHablaEspañol', said, looking dreamy as she stared at Edward.

"¿Qué?(T: What?)" Winry asked looking at the girl curiously.

"corto uno ser lindo. (T: The short one is cute.)" 'Ella' repled. Luckily, Ed actually knew how to speak some Spanish and shouted a response, "¡El Who ES USTED QUE LLAMA TAN CORTO QUE ÉL PODRÍA AHOGARSE EN Una GOTA Del AGUA! (T: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE COULD DROWN IN A DROP OF WATER!)" Ed shouted back in spanish. Everyone stared at him, wondering what the fuck he just said. After about twelve minutes of searching throught a Spanish-English dictionary, they found out what he said and sweatdropped.

"Usted. Pero la gente corta es linda. (T: You. But short people are cute)" Ella replied. Winry grumbled and beat the girl to a bloody pulp. She then shoved her in a Janitors closet and shouted at every witnmess, "**You didn't see anything...**" she assured them. They all back off and agreed with her. Then Maria and Riza began to get frightened for, they were her roommates.

"Uhhh...Paint balling anyone?" Roy suggested randomly.

This was either gonna be A) Interesting or B) Painful

If you guessed both then you are correct. Oh boy...

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M'kay, I give you Chapter Two. I was bored and wanted a Spanish person so there...Spanish person. Okay. Spanish person won't appeer for a while. She had a seveere beating with a Lacrosse stick by a Rampaging Winry! Anyways, flame if ya want. I don't care. Oh and I can't imagine Ed actually yelling all that in Spanish! XD It would be hillarious though!

-Chibeh


	3. Chapter 3 and Paintballs

A/N: Okay, we got bored last chapter. So fear. More randomness

Disclaimer: Shut up and sleep with me o.o

**WAAARNING: THIS CHAPTER INSULTS JESUS. DON'T LIKE DON'T READ. THIS IS WHATCHA GET FOR READING FICS FROM TWO SATANISTS!**

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**Chapter Three and Paintballs**

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The seven people-persons arrived at the Outdoor Paintball Arena soon enough. Al looked at the paintball sign and shivered for it read in big bold 'happy' letters: **'WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DEATHS CAUSED BY PAINTBALL. HAVE A NICE DAY :D'** Actually the real word wasn't 'nice' it was something else but it was covered by cardboard, and everyone else was too lazy to take the cardboard off. As they walked by, the cardboard fell off reaveal the word, 'BLOODY'. But, unfortunatly, no one saw it. How emo. 

They all put on goggles and grabbed their paintball guns. There were no rules being as, they were too lazy to make rules. They were also too lazy to put on any of the other gear that they needed. Because they are cool like that.

Within ten minutes Denny and Maria had dissapeered. Everyone else just thought they died and were too lazy to care.

Everyone was hiden all hidey-like. No paintballs were fired. No sounds were made. You're all hawt. No moves were taken. No people striped. No one cared. It was all silent. Untill...

"DAMMIT! COME OUUUUTTT COOOMMMEEE OUUUTTT!" Jesus shouted, "C'MON! THIS IS THE ONLY BREAK I GET! SO COME ON AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

Just then, Jesus fell to the ground, in pain. "MEN! THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WITH BREASTS HERE!" Winry shouted, pointing her her chest. "DO YOU NOT NOTICE THESE?"

Everyone who was hiding sweatdropped at her. Then, Roy took this as his chance to get her and jumped from his hiding place and began to shoot everyhwere. He hit everyhtuing but Winry. Poor Jesus was convered in many colors now, "FUCK THIS! I am going home to my sweetheart!" his paintball gun was then transformed into a staff this and he ran up a tree and kicked Ed out of it, "Tee hee!" he giggled and then flew away to Heaven. Ed growled and shouted, "THAT IS THE LAST TIME I PLAY PAINTBALL WITH JESUS!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Ed stood up and shot at Roy. Roy shot at Ed. Winry shot at Al and Al hid. Mostly in fear. Mostly because he was reading KITTY MAGAZINES.

Hey guys..." Riza said evilly. Roy and Ed continued to try to kill eachother with paintballs.

"Guys..." She said, smirking. "GUYS!" They looked up.

"Prepare to meet your doom..." Riza whispered, and picked Al's paintball gun off the ground. She held both guns, one in each hand. Somehow. "PREPARE TO DIE, MY FRIENDS!" She laughed maniacally and started fireing off a barrage of paintballs at Ponyboy and the shrimp. She ran all over the place, making noises like a three year old boy playing 'war' with a stick as a gun.

Roy and Ed Hid behind a hay bale.

"Well, Mustang, what are we going to do? You're girlfriend's on a rampage." Ed said.

"She's not on a rampage! She's just having...uh...feminine...issues?"

"I'll let you keep thinking that." Ed put his hand on something soft. "WTF!"

Roy and Edo looked down to see...

"Maria...Denny...please stop that...not in public just...just no..." Roy said, reffering to what they were doing. Which I shall not mention hinthint.

Denny and Maria looked at them for a moment, completely still. Then, something snapped aparently in their minds, and They both covered eachother's...uh...'special places.' Just in time, too, as Riza jumped behind the haybales and started shooting everyone's asses off at that moment.

Unfortunately, in Denny and Maria's cases, this was literal and they were both forced to get dressed and immediately sent to the hospital for butt transplants. Riza seemed proud. Everyone avoided her for the rest of the week, except for Roy, because she threatened him with monkeys.

Roy hates monkeys.

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Skidoodle. We are finnally done wiff chapter three! HAPPY! 

**MastahChibeh**: WOW! YOU ARE SO COOL! Damn, I need a life.

**EdWaRd E WoRsHiPpEr: **Ah, you give me ideas, you! Skirty-full ideas! And I love you too!

**Wing Omega:** Easy, we just did.

Moip, thankies for the reveiws, all you other reveiwers! Bai bai!

-Chibeh and The Mr. Clean Alchemist


	4. Chapter 4 and College Days

A/N: Moif Fourth chapter! HAPPI DANCE!

Disclaimer: I do not own FmA.

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**Chapter Four and College Days**

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Ed hopped off the bus and stared at the campus. It was his new home, well at least for two years. He took a second to take in the scent of this new place that was untill he was shoved on the ground and trampled by da big mean ten year olds. "HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'!" he shouted. The kids stared at him and stuck their toungues out at him and ran off. Ed chased them around the campus for a little bit. "COME BACK HERE!" he yelled to them. Sad, isn't it? A nineteen year old boy loosing to ten year olds. What a way to startout the year.

Soon enough, Ed felt a hand restrain him from murdering the poor kids. He turned his head around to see Winry. "Edo, don't kill kids just because they are stronger than you!" she mocked.Ed glared at her, "THEY started it!"

The kids looked at them in disbeleif, "She your girlfriend or somethin'?"

"Asa matter of fact--" Ed was cut off by a hand, smacking against his face, "SHADDUP!" Winry shouted.

Ed rubbed his cheek. "Ow! What was THAT for!" he cried.

"For...being...stupid!" She said, scratching her head, thinking.

"That's not a good reason!"

"Shut up!"

Roy and Riza jumped off the bus behind them, laughing softly at the other two people.

"They need to just get drunk and admit they love each other." Roy said, watching them fight. Riza put her arms around Roy's shoulders and leaned her head on... his...shoulder.

"Yeah." She said. Roy smiled and kissed her cheek.

"EWW. LOVE." Ed spat at them.

"Shut up, Ed! It's sweet!" Winry hit him in the head with a wrench.

Unfortunatley, Winry had hit Ed a little too hard with her wrench, knocking him unconsious. And being in that unconsious state, he couldn't stay standing up, so he fell...on Winry. Which looked very odd to passerbys who just stared at them.

Then, out of no where in particular, Denny and Maria showed up, however, they had just come back from their ass transplants and it hurt to sit. They walked up to the group and staredat the two. Winry was struggling to get up and Ed, well, being unconsious, just put more stress on her. HAR. Then everyone began to wonder, "Where is Al?"

In the distance came a rumbleing noise. This noise grew louder and louder until...

"It's a car! It's a train! No...it's...a...guy rideing a giant cat?" A random fat guy said.

"HOLY FISHSTICKS! IT'S AL!" Denny shouted. Riza took charge and pushed the random fat guy aside, somehow.

"Out of the way, random fat guy. Best leave this in the hands of the military." She pulled a gun out of nowhere and pointed it at Al.

"Whoa, whoa! Riza! Put the gun away! The rest of the-wait, you're not in the military! What the crap!" Roy said.

"Oh yeah. Uh...I don't-" She was cut off. A bodyguard guy attacked her and pried the gun out of her hand.

"WEAPON ALERT! WEAPON ALERT! TERRORIST ON CAMPUS!" The bodyguard shouted into his walkie-talkie.

"Hey! Whoa! Dude! She's not a terrorist!" Roy ran over to the people. "She's just...uh...clinically insane."

As soon on Ed awoke, he was trampled by da kitty. And he passed out once more. As well, as Winry. Riza, whom was on the ground from the extra weight of the body guard was (unfortuanly) is Al's landing area and he stepped on her. Which probably would of hurt if I was Riza. "What'd I miss?" he asked.

Roy looked around. "Uhhh..." half the campus was on fire, "Not much?"

"Oh." Al said, getting off the kitty. It then ran into the burning hell-flames of the campus.

"RAMMSTEIN THE SECOND! NUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Al sobbed. "COME BACK TO MEEEEEE!"

The kitty then spontaneously burst into flames, like everything else around there right now.But no one seemed to notice because I fear they may need glasses. But, they would not get glasses because they didn't want to look like a certain someone HINTHINTWINKWINKNUDGENUDGE.

Then, the flames were put out by...well...nothing, actually. And everything was renewed back to normal. Except kitty. Kitty was now a rotting deam corpse! The best toy for children!

Ed awoke as well as Winry, "Oh ho ho...quite a questionable position, we are in. Eh Winry? WANNA MAKE IT MORE QUESTIONABLE...EH?"

Then everyone noticed something,"HOLY CRAP!" Denny shouted, "ED'S CANADIAN!"

Everyone gasped,"NO! IMPOSSIBLE! IT. CAN'T. BE!"

"Oh but it can!"

"Oh but it can't!"

"Oh but it can!"

"Oh but it can't!"

"Oh but it can!"

"Oh but it...WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?"

"We are...'oh but'ing?"

Riza butted in with her...butting-in ness.

"Hello? A little help here would be nice!" She yelled at the 'oh but' ing people.

"Oh, right." Roy took out a random gun and shot the bodyguard. He died. Roy kicked him off of Riza. You are sexy.

Riza smiled and jumped up. "Yay for not haveing a bodyguard on top of me!"

"Yay for guns!" Roy said.

"Yay for kitties!" Al said. Then he was attacked by dumplings but nobody seemed to know or care.

"Yay for Canada!" Ed said, waveing a little Canadian flag.

"Yay for wrenches!" Winry said, hitting Ed with the wrench again.

"Yay for unconsiousness!" Ed said, going unconcious again.

* * *

In a few hours, all was well as well as well could go...I guess. Ed woke up two hours earlier to an empty campus because apparently, everyone had forgotten him or maybe they didn't want to tell him that Canada was attacked by those damned Jellybeans! ANYWAYS...

Winry sat in her dorm room, setting everything up. They wouldn't have classes today because I said so. While she was aranging her third of the room, a doggie ran in and jumped on her, licking her face which disturbed her because earlier, she saw this exact dog eat Al's rotting cat. Riza walked in and said, "Come here Hayate!" The doggiekins trotted over to her.

"Don't you already have a dog named Hayate?" Winry questioned.

"Yes, but I got bored of him when I found this SEX BEAST!" she shouted, raising the dog like that one monkey guy on the lion king did with baby Simba.

Winry sweatdropped. "Right. Well, now that I'm fresh, unpacked, and covered in partially digested corpse goo, I feel that it's time for to me to take a bath."

Riza got a NAUGHTY look on her face. "I feel like I need to take a bath, too..."

The same look appeared on Winry's face and the two women moved over to eachother. They hastily undressed themselves and fell into the bed, haveing hot, random, college-lesbian sex.

Then, Roy woke up.

Roy sat up and studied the area he was in.It was a room. With two beds and it was scary and white all over the place. He tried to think back to what room Winry, Riza and Maria were sharing. Second floor, room 247. He crawled out of his dorm room and down the hall to the Window. The girls dormitory was across from the boys dormitory so if you looked out the hallway windows, you could look into the girls dorm rooms. Roy took this as his chance to find where the girls were staying. He took out binoculars randomly from his pocket and began to search. His eyes landed on something horrible. Something you would burn your eyes if you saw.

Yes...

it was...

If you guessed Shezka taking a shower with an old man, you were correct. It was enough to make a guy kill himself, it was so horrid.

Ed and Denny were walking by to see Roy in a fetal position. "What's wrong, Roy?" Denny asked.

"Take my binoculars...look at the fourth window of the girls dormitory on the leftand you'll know why."

They did as he was told and screamed, "EGADS! I never wanna see a naked old man doing THAT EVER EVER AGAIN! THANKS FOR POISONING MAH MIND, ROY!" Ed and Denny shouted.

"It's not so much the old man...it is...the woman..."

Just then, Riza came out of the random bathroom in her cheerleading uniform. It was white and orange of course, because white and orange are purty. The uniform consisted of a sleeveless top with the Central Amestris University logo on it, some white sh00z, and...a...miniskirt.

Roy was on the ground in the fetal position with his eyes closed and sucking him thub, of course, so he could not see the hotness that was before him.

Denny spotted Riza and kicked Roy in da hurtful spot. Action Roy jumped into well...action and began to beat Denny over the head with a random guy who walked by.Denny, then picked up another random guy and began to beat Roy with him. Ed just stared and walked away thinking, 'I wonder what Winry's up to..'

They Denny bitch slapped Roy and pointed to Riza, Roy looked over. She was turning a corner, Roy chased after her and got ahead of her, tripped her and watched ehr skirt gop FOOSH! in the wind. He attempted to keep her skirt up by well...holding her skirt up.But Riza turned around and smacked him. "HAYATE! SICK 'IM!" she shouted, and out of no where, Her new dog broke throught the glass and lached onto Roy's head like a leech. "I love you Roy. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! HA HA HA!" Riza maniacle laughter rang thought the campus, frightening everyone into their closets, with their girlfriends, of course.

Ed somehow wound up in a closet with Denny. Denny thought that Ed was Maria and made a sad attempt to kiss her, but wound up kissing air.

"Wow, Maria, when did you get that short?" He said naively.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A LITTLE CELL SO SMALL HE LIVES IN A BEAN BECAUSE HE IS ONE!" Ed knocked down the door and hit Denny over the head with it, somehow.

"MARIA! WHEN DID YOU GET SO AGRESSIVE! I LIKE IT!" Stupid!Denny shouted, as he made another attempt to kiss Ed.

"WOULD YOU STOP THAT ALREADY!" Ed shouted, "I'M NOT MARIA!"

"IMPOSTERERER!" Denny spat at him as they began to catfight in the closet, which sounded VERY peculiar to everyone else who was within hearing range. The sound of the bumping and moans of pain were the one that hit the poor people the most.

Roy however, was not having it good either, Hayate was still latched onto his head and chewing hard enough to make his head go SPLODEY. FUN!

Suddenly, aliens came from space and turned everyone into hams. But that was just a movie I saw in a dream last night. In reality of the FMA college world, everyone suddenly fell asleep because the Witching Hour came. Some of the evil things raped Riza and Winry randomly, because they're hawt.

* * *

Wow. This chapter came fast! Hope you enjoyed our...odd...ness...

-Chibeh and Cleanie

**Wing Omega:** There, we put Shezka in the fic. Have a bloody day


	5. Bonus: Pipsqueak!

A/N: Not a real chapter just a bonus thing.I wrote this at about nine since the fog caused meto go to school two hours later! YAY FOR FOG! There will probably be more bonuses when I feel like it! MastahChibeh is outeh!

Disclaimer: I own NOTHIN'! Only Pipsqueak da rabbit!

New Words:

Perkifully: the act of being uber-happy and talking in an annoying voice taht pisses your boyfriend off.

Gawt: to have and to hold and to cherish--wait, we ain't gettin' married. Go away.

* * *

**Pipsqueak!**

* * *

It was a nice and semi-normal day at Central Amestris University. Or it was untill...

"Hey everyone!" Maria perkifully shouted, she held a box in both of her hands "LOOK WHAT I GAWT!" she shouted like a ten year old with a new bike. She lifted the box high like a video game charachter that just aquired a new key item to their quest but in the end it turns out to be fake and you have to start the whole search all over again.

Ed, Al, Roy, Winry, Riza and Denny all looked ather suspiciously.

Riza got all sparkley like Armstrong and got up in Maria's face. She was uncomfortably close,"Is it for _meeee_?" she asked.

"No," Maria answered simply.

"**Bitch**," Riza hissed and then slithered away ro Roy. She licked his cheek and then crawled into his lap. Everyone sweatdropped at her antics. Ed gave Winry puppy dog eyes and Winry returned his glare with a shake of her head. Ed was emo now.

"A-anyways, whatI wanted to tell you was that i got a--" Maria was cut off byWinry.

"Will it crap all over my stuff?"

"Possibly..."

"I'm hating it already."

Maria shivered under Winry's icey glare, "I gotta bunneh. Yay." she said unenthusisatically. Mostly because she was quite frightened by Winry. She opened the box and took out a small white bunny with a patch on da eye!"I named him--" cut off again.

"RIZA!"

"WINRY?"

"ROY?"

"RAMMSTEIN!"

"Spot?"

"DINNNEEERRRR!" Everyone eyed Ed for this, "WHAT! Rabbits areTASTEH."

Maria got scared once more, "Umn, no. I named him Pipsqueak!"

"You named him after Ed?" everyone asked.

"**I HATE YOU, MARIA**" Ed shouted and then stormed out of the room.

Maria looked down, "I named him that because he was so small..." she stated quietly.

"Then it's a great name O.o?" the others all questioned

* * *

A weeek had passed since the arival of Pipsqueak. They did everything togetehr! Ate, slept, went to class, hell, she even showered with the damn bunny! And Denny was getting jealous.

So, while he was plotting ways to get Pipsqueak out of the picture,he hearda squeal under his footand something squish down.At first, he thought he stepped on EDbut when he got on the floor and looked, HE KILLED PIPSQUEAK! DA FEIND!

"I...I'll...kill...you...ALL..." was Pipsqeak the -homicidal- rabbits last words. (A/N: WORLD DOMINATION! XD)

Denny stared at Pipsqueak. "Ah. SHITY SHITY SHIT SHIT!" he shouted as he grabbed a box from nowhere and shoved Pipsqueak in.

As he looked around for some help he spotted someone who would uhh...well, help him, I guess O.o. He ran up to her and slung his arm around her shoulders, "HIYA WINRY!"

Winry looked at him like he was crazy, "Denny, you arescaring me...a lot..." she stated.

"Heh. Well, I need you to do something for me!" he opened the box to show her.

"Please don't tell me you are gonna propose to Maria with that..." (A/N: It's better than an engagement Ring!"

"NO. I Well, I...sorta...killed...Pipsqueak by...aciident...So can you PLEASEgo to the pet shop and buy a rabbit that looks JUST like Pipsqueak?" Denny pleaded like a virgin that wanted sex while handing Winry his wallet to buy a new rabbit.

"That will never work..." Winry said and she took his wallet and RAN faraway.

Denny wasn't sure if she was robbing him or is she was gonna buy a new rabbit but,lets not worry about that untill later, MKay?

* * *

About an hour later, Winry returned with a new furry friend, and some new stuff for herself curtosy of Denny's credit cards!

"IIIDIOTT, I"M BACK!" she souted like a...thing that shouts. Yes, i am running out of similies.

Denny poofed up from nowhere and took the box that held the new Pipsqueak and threw open the box. "Win...this rabbit is BROWN. Pipsqueak is WHITE."

"I am aware of that, this was all they had left..." she stated.

Denny got an idea, "This can work! We just need to dye his fur!"

"This one is a she..."

"Then we will do something about that as well!"

And thus, they dyed the new rabbit white wiffa black spot on da eye. And they used clay to make it have...manhood...(A/N: Distrbing, no?)

"Okay! Here comes Maria! I think we did good!" Denny shouted, "NOW DISPERSE YOU BLONDE!"

"You're blonde too..."

"SHUDDAP NOW GO."

And thus, Winry left, like Denny told her to do.O.o

Maria walked up to Denny and saw 'Pipsqueak' in his arms, "I see you two are bonding..."

"Yeah. Weare the best of friends now..." Denny lied.

"That's nice to know! Can I see Pipsqueak now?" she asked sweetly.

"Sure! He is your bunny after all!" he lied once more and he handed her the new bunneh. That was when Denny noticed the dye hadn't dried and it was rubbing off.

Maria took Pipsqueak and noiced the dye coming off, "Wha?"she questioned. "IMPOSTER WABBIT!" she shouted and threw the poor bunny against the wall. Pipsqueak exploded and candy came out from inside it's liver, somehow. "WHERE IS THE REAL PIPSQUEAK!"

"ALRIGHT! I KILLED HIM! All By accident I might add BUT I KILLED HIM! SO I GOT WINRY TO REPLACE HIM BUT IT WAS BROWN SO WE DYED IT AND THEN I MADE HIM A CLAY -beeep- AND THEN YOU KILLED HER YOU MEANIE STINKY HEAD!" Denny hysterically shouted.

Maria looked at himin a frightened way, "Denny, you are such a VIRGIN," she said and then kicked him in da liver, making it explode with chocolatey goodness.

And that was the End of Pipsqueak.

* * *

Moif. I know, a lot of that was wrong on so many levels and there are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes but it is ten AMand the fog has caused school to start later, now I am about to miss the bus, BYE!

-Chibeh-


	6. Chapter 5 and Rabid Canadians

**A/N: Cleanie says that Maria's hair is long in this now. Because we say so.**

Disclaimer: I'M TOO SMEXEH FOR MAH DISCLAIMER! AND WE DON'T OWN FMA! OR MONTY PYTHON! DON'T SUE!

* * *

**Chapter Five and Rabid Canadians**

* * *

Roy, Ed, Denny, Riza, and Winry were sitting around the little coffee table in Ed and Denny's dorm. They would sit on the couch, if they had one. The only furniture in the dorn, actually, was a coffee table and two little plastic matresses. It was really just an old supply closet because Ed and Denny couldn't afford a dorm. But that's not important right now. Anyways, Maria wasn't there because she was getting a haircut. 

Winry groaned in boredom, "Is there anything to do?" she asked.

"We can explore the whole campus...because for some reason, we don't have class today," Ed suggested.

"We don't have class because the writers want us to do other stuff first!" Riza stated.

"Writers? Who are these 'writers'?" Roy questioned.

"YOU HEARD NOTHING. LETS GO EXPLORE," Riza said like a robot.

"But Riza--"

Denny was cut off

"LETS GO FUCKING EXPLORE." No one protested for Riza was just plain scary. So, they went to explore things.

"O-okay..." Denny stuttered. "Don't...hurt me...please?"

"Menamenamenamena..." Riza mumbled. Roy became suspicious and hit Riza on the head. Her head fell off. Roy picked it up and removed her skin to reveal...

"A CLOWN!" Ed shouted.

"Not just any clown, Edward!" Roy pulled off the skin of the clown. "A ROBOT CLOWN!"

At that time, Denny threw up on Roy because Roy was now holding a bloody nasty clown skull with brains and gunk dripping out of it...GREEN BRAINS AND GUNK.

"Oh. ...Ew. Not a robot clown." Roy looked at the head, paused for a moment, and threw it at Ed. "THINK FAST!" He ran out of the room like a running-man.

Ed squealed like a greased pig, and looked at Winry, "Y'know how I never bought you a birthday present last year?" he asked.

"Yeah..."

"Well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WINRY!" Ed shouted and threw the clown head a Winry, Winry ducked at the head hit Denny in the face. He was now covered in Happy GUNK. A bunch on clown brain went his nose and he was now...

Just then, Maria and Riza (the real one) came marching through the door looking full of it. For some reason, they were in blue, tight 80's track uniforms. Their hair was poofed out into afros. The afros looked much huger than their hair could ever acheive, but everyone was too lazy and/or clownish to notice.

The two cheerleady-girls danced around Denny with an obnoxious look on both their faces. Suddenyl, they began to sing. "OOMPA-LOOMPA-DOOMPITY-DA, IF YOU DON'T MESS WITH CLOWNS YOU'LL GO FAR, OOMPA-LOOMPA-DOOMITY-DEE, IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTN TO ME."

Maria took over. "What do you do when you're boyfriend's half...CLOWN"

Then Riza. "Considering he did this Roy should be wearing a...FROWN. He will be upset, pecause he will not get...LAID"

"At least he will not HAVE. TO. PAY!"

"I-am-not-a-whore-you-bitch!"

THen they started catfighting.

Ed looked at Winry. Winry looked at Ed. Ed looked at Denny. Winry looked at Denny. Then Denny looked at Denny. Then he exploded because of all the staringness. Roy imploded for no reason whatsoever. Riza and Maria finnsished catfighting and did a little dance. Then the writer stopped annoying the hell out of you all."Sadly, that is the most sense anything has made around here..." Ed stated.

"NNUUU MY DARLING!" Riza cried, and ran to the stain on the wall that was Roy.

"MY SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" Ed shouted suddenly, writing on the floor in agony.

"OH NO!" Maria exclaimed. "HE'S DYING OF THE...CANADA DISEASE!" (OH NOES!)

Winry whipped out her lacrosse stick, out of nowhwere I might add, and began to beat Ed senseless, although he already was. "DIE! DIE DIIIEE!" she shouted.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT GONNA HELP HIM?" Maria spat.

"HEY! DON'T SPPIIIIT! It's not nice! AND IT WON'T HELP HIM BWAHHAHAHHAHAHA!" Winry laughed like an insane lacrosse player...wait...she already is, nevermind.

Suddenly, Ed's spleen exploded in his stomach (don't ask me how!). He scrambled to get up, "Water...I need water..." Ed cried out.

Winry handed him some bleach.

Ed, being a prodigy and all, drank the whole thing of bleach and sprang into action becoming...DAIRY BOY! "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Ed cried as he suddenly had the urge to white juice secreted from a cow.

Roy and Denny were back to normal by now, or did I dream it? Anyway, Roy and Riza went to another room to make out randomly. Maria ran after Ed and for some reason, Denny undressed and did a naked dance. Winry stared at him.

SUDDENLY, AGAIN, They randomly went into SOAP OPERA MODE! While Roy and Riza were gettin' their groove on in a urinal. Roy broke down into tears, "Roy! What's wrong?" Riza asked.

Roy continued to cry, "R-r-r-r-r-r--rr-rr-rr--r-r-rr-r-r-r--r--r-r--"

"OH GET ON WITH IT!"

"RIZA! I have something to tell you!" Roy shouted.

"What?" Riza asked. "Riza, I have to PEE." Roy stated. Riza sweatdropped.

Riza hugged roy. "It's alright, roy, you can pee."

Roy sniffled. "I have something else to tell you, Riza..."

"What is it?"

"I...I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you to call me Loretta."

"WHAT! Why the hell do you want to be a woman, Roy!" She cried.

"I...I want to have babies. It's my right as a man." He said quietly.

"...You're weird, Roy."

"I LOVE YOU TOO LIONELLE!" Roy shouted and hugged Riza tightly.

"LIONELLE! MY NAME IS RIZA! R-I-Z-A!" Riza shouted.

Roy looked down, "Ohh, awkward..."

"Roy?

"ROY?"

"LORETTA!"

"Yes?"

"RUN GAL RUN!"

"AIIIEEE!"

Denny remained standing in the middle of the room, still naked. Winry stared at him and scooted toawrds the door, then ran out at top speed. She ran right into Maria. Ed had apparently immigrated to Canada, which was somehow 46 feet from the school.

"Where's Denny?" Maria asked.

"He's having...um...some...'PERSONAL IDENTITY PROBLEMS.'" winry made little quotation marks in the air with her fingers.

Maria and Winry stood there for a second. "Hey, whatever happened To Al? Did he die or soemthin'?" Maria asked.

WITH ARRRUUUUU

Al hid behind a wall, watching the object of his affection. No, supprisingly, it was not a cat. It was that one Spanish chick, Ella. Al stood there and watched and she hung out with her friends. _Dang_, he though, _I really hope she isn't a lesbian.._

Ella turned around and twiddled her fingers at the blushing Al. His face turned a darker shade of red as she smiled sweetly at him. He got up and walking inside the student union. Sat on the couch. Then began to turn into a pile of love goo.

To Be Continued, because if we didn't this fic would suck

* * *

Sigh, what a wonderful time to live! Yes, you must loooooovvveeee to be alive while we are still updating! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEOPLE WITH BIRTHDAYS ON TODAY Oo I am too lazy to answer your reveiws. NOW GET OUTTA MAH HOUSE! 

-Chibeh (because Mr.Clean IS SLEEEEEEEPing)

**NOTE: WE WILL NOT PUT UP CHAPTER SIX UNTILL WE GETAT LEAST TWO REVEIWS FOR THIS CHAPTER.**


	7. Chapter 6 and Vegas

A/N: Miof, another chapter of CIH. HAPPY? Now read foos.

Disclaimer: OMGWTFIDONTOWNFMA.ORVEGASOMG.

* * *

**Chapter Six and Vegas**

* * *

Everyone was back to normal through the miracle of science. Maybe I dreamed it. but Mr. Disney says DREAMS COME TRUE, so he must be right because he's so OBVIOUSLY God! So it was Christmas OMG YAYE break, and our favorite crackish, hyper people decided to go to vegas.

Yes, Christmas comes before Halloween and Thanksgiving now. Why? BECAUSE WE ALL GOT TIRED OF WAITING FOR IT TO COME, OKAY? Now, let us start...OKAY?

Riza woke up from the ringing of her cellphone. She snatched it out of her nightstand drawer and answered her phone, "He--" she was cut off.

"HIRIZA!WEAREGOINGTOVEGAS,OKAY?AREWINRYANDMARIAUP?" It was Roy. (Translation:HI RIZA! WE ARE GOING TO VEGAS, OKAY? ARE WINRY AND MARIA UP?)

It was times like this when Riza wished she never started dating him. Mostly becuse he got randomly high on cofee..."No, they are not up."

"WAAAIII?"

"Because only idiots wake up at 4:30 AM..."

"OH...LEMMETALKTODEM"(Translation: OH...LEMME TALK TO DEM)

"Fine..." Riza said. She walked over to Winry's bed and put the phone up to her ear.

"WINRY!MARIA!WAKEHWAKEH!EGGSANDBACEH!"(Translation:WINRY!MARIA! WAKEH WAKEH!EGGS AND BAKEH!) Roy shouted. Winry jumped up, startled and shouted, "DEMONZ!"

Ten minutes later, Maria, Denny, Al, and Ed came trudgeing through the door in their bedclothes. Roy bounced in a little later and took everyrones clothes off.

"SEVENSOME!"

Everyone covered up their 'private' areas. "What...the...hell?" everyone asked unenergetically. Roy was using Hayate as a trampoline, poor doggy.

"Give me my clothes back..." everyone commanded in tired voices. Roy put Maria's bra on Denny. "HAPPI?NOW...READY,STEADY,GO!" Roy had (somehow) packed everyones clothes within ten minutes and was now drgging their naked bodies outside.

In a desperate attempt to save himself, Ed started calling out, "RAPE! RAPE!" But it was too late. Roy jammed everybody into the backseat of Riza's rusty Mini Couper and got in the drivers seat.

Roy turned around in his seat, "COMFY?" he asked. Roy pushed his foot down on the accelorator hard and they sped off to Vegas. Everyone, luckily, got into someones suitcase and dressed themselves.

Maria noticed she was missing her bra and took Denny's shirt off to retrieve it.

"Awww.." Denny said,"I was gonna bring that into the guys locker room and tell everyone I lost my virginity...kill joy."

Everyone stared at him. "Your wha?" Denny sweatdropped.

"Um, uh, I'm not a virgin, nope, uhhh...shit. You guys suck." He started crying. Maria hit him.

"Denny, you're a NINCOMPOOP!" She yelled.

"I DID NOT!" Roy shouted from the drivers seat. Then, everyone had a huge fight and the car BLEW UP. AHAHAHAHA!

It had been a total of twenty minutes since the car had blown up spontaneously. Which meant twenty minutes of asking Winry, "Didja fix it yet?" Winry twitched as she was asked that again. "YES. IT IS FIXED. THAT IS WHY I AM STILL WORKING ON IT."

"Oh...I see..." Ed replied. After five minutes of silence, Ed asked, "Didja fix it yet?"

Winry got pissed off and began to throw all her tools at Ed.

insert big PMSish chase scene here

Roy soon kicked the car and it blew up again. Each individual peice of car suddenly sprouted wings and flew away. Or maybe I dreamed it. Whatever. All was silent as everyone was in awe of the flying car parts. Not a creature was stirring, not even a BURNING HELL MONKEY FROM THE MOON! Then, Maria kicked Denny, because he was picking his nose. OMG NO! THEY STIRRED! NUUUUUUUUUU!

As soon as all was all boring again. People began to complain.

"ARGH! NOW WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO!" Riza shouted.

"ALL THAT HARD WORK FOR NOTHING!"

"THINGS GO SPLODEY!"

"Winry, I want _seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexxxxxxxxxx..." _Ed said like a whinny little 50's mob stars girlfriend.

"RAMMSTEIN!" Al shouted as a familiar cat walked by.

But as soon as Al got close to the cat, Rammstein clawed Al'd eyes out, then he sprouted wings and flew away. He imploded in mid-air.

"MAH EYEEEZZ! NOW I CANNOT CHECK OUT--IMEAN STARE AT--IMEAN...oh I give up..." Al complained. He layed on the ground and waited for the skin to grown back on his eyeballs.

Ed poked Al with a stick. He didn't move. Denny smacked him on the back. "DON'T WORRY, BUDDEH. I HAVE AN IDEA."

"What would that idea be, Denn..y? DAMN! I HAVE NO GOOD PET NAMES FOR YOU YOU STUPID 50'S DINER! NOBODY LIKES YOUR FOOD! IT TASTES LIKE MONKEY!" Maria screeched.

Denny started to cry.

"ANYWAYS, what was your idea?"

"WELL, -sniff- since Al cannot see, LET US RUN MAH FRIENDS!" Denny shouted.

"Yeah, okay, sure" They all said.

"Okay...Ready...Steady...GO!" then everyone but Denny ran. "Heh. LOSERS," He said as he began to chow down on some delicious tasty RAMMSTEIN.

Denny finished eating Rammstein and decided to be a cannibal and eat Al. But Al was much too fattening, so he just decided to Run after the other people. But he wound up running into them, because they had realized he hadn't followed and came back because they're NICE like that.

"That was a terrible idea, Denny. You should have KNOWN that Maria can't run!" Roy scolded.

"Huh? Why?" Everyone asked.

"Because she's PREGNANT, that's why." He said smugly.

"WHAT! Roy, what are you smoking! I'm not pregnant!" Maria yelled at him.

"You're not?" He said.

"NO!" She shouted. Roy poked her BELLEH.

"You sure?"

"...ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT!"

Roy looked at her, "Yes. If you are not pregnant, YOU. ARE. TUUBBEEHH!" he shouted. Then, out of no where a tall mountain POOFED up from no where and the echo made a...

"DEEEEMMMOOONNNZZZ!1111!22211!six!" Riza shouted. "OR AS YOUS PEOPLE CALLS IT NOWADAYS, AVAAALLLAAAANNNCCHHEEEuuuuhhh...yeah..." No one moved. Why? Because they were listening to their iPods! Well, not Ed. Ed had an iPod mini.

Then, the mountain died. It fell on top of Shezka. But nobody cared.

But anyways.

"So. Does anyone have any REAL ideas?" Riza asked, after she violently ripped the headphones from everyone's ears.

Roy bounced around with his hand raised in the air, biting his lip like he had to pee.

"What is it, Roy?" Riza asked boredly.

"We could go on a HITCHIKING ADVENTURE!" Roy screamed like a giddy little girl.

"WHAT!I CAN'T HEAR YOU FOR I HAVE BEEN DEAFENED BY RIZA!" Ed shouted at the top of his lungs.

"WHAT!" Everyone else asked.

"WHAT!" Ed shouted back at them.

"WHAT?"

"OH WOULD YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP?" Winry yelled at them.

"WHAT!" everyone else yelled back at her. Winry held out her hand to the sky and shouted, "COME TO ME MAH PRETTY!" Ed walked over to her. "Erm...Not you..." Ed went emo. Then Winry's lacrosse stick fell from the sky and she beat people with it.

Al randomly got up and walked to the side of the road. He held his thumb up in the hitchiking symbol thing and someone stopped for him.He hopped in the car and looked at the woman who let him in.(A/N: With the eyes he does not have. XD) She was hawt. She had brown hair that went past her shoulders and green eyes. Al recognised her, "MOMMEH!" he said and then glomped her. "MOMMEH, YOU GOT PRIDDY EYESES." He said.

He then tore her eyes out and put them in his eye sockets. He hopped out of the car hearing screams of pain. He skipped to everyone else and shouted, "I CAN SEEEEEE!111!1221!ff1!" he then began to rapidly flail his arms. "LESSALL HITCHIKE!" he shouted and then ran in circles.

"Holy crap..." Ed began.

"AL HAS BEEN POSSESEDEDEDEDEDEDEDED BY ALEIMS!" Winry finnished for him.

"Cool..." Ed said.

Roy looked at Riza. Riza nodded and shot the living hell out of Al.

* * *

Chibeh: PIE. Okay, yes, this was a VERY random chapter. But meh. Deal with it fools. Yes, Al is mean and possed D

Now be a dear and hit the 'REVEIW'button. We will not post the new chapter untill we get...four reveiws? Mkay. Be hot, reveiw.


	8. Chapter 7 and Christmas

A/N: This chapter has Christmas joy seeping in it. Locve it or die.

Disclaimer: We only own THE BURNING HELL MONKEYS!

WE MADE FUN OF YOUR GOD AND YOUR JESUS...again...

* * *

Chapter 7 and Christmas

* * *

Winry sneezed from the feeling of being watched. She looked around, there was nothing but Denny, Riza, Maria, Riza, Roy and all those other people.

"Now that we have no transportation, how shall we get to Vegas?" Roy asked.

Ed randomly took out a hot pink cellphone with bunnies on it! "OMG I'LL CALL JEBUS!" he shouted and then began to dial. Everyone began to wonder stuff about things.

It took Ed a total of five hours to punch in all the numbers of the alphabet, yes, there are numbers in the alphabet. Finnaly, he got hold of Jesus. "Okay. Yeah...This is Ed...okay...NO I WILL NOT!... we need help...okay, no...yes...okay..." he hung up soon, "Okay, Jesus will figure something out." No one listened. Ed was sad.

Jesus arrived soon enough and said, "I wasn't really going to come but, I felt bad for HURTING THY NEIGHBOR IN CHAPTER THREE! So, you will all hitchike with a very obese hippo."

everybody jumped on the random Jesus-hippo and flew on a magical rainbow of elves to Narn-IMEANVEGAS. When they got there it was suddenly Christmas so Jesus started danceing around singing 'It's mah BIRTHDAY! It's mah BIRTHDAY! Go me! GO ME!' And got really drunk off some kinda stuff that was apparently alchoholic. ed beat him up for holding out on him.

Out of no where, Takkie (one of the writers FOOLZ) jumped off a cliff and landed on Jesus "WOW! YOU GOTTA BIIIIIGGG HEEEADD! O" She then stole all of Winrr's clothes and shouted,"EBAY!" and ran away to her 'happy place'. Winry stold Ed's clothes and put them on herself, then Ed got the pride and joy of running araound screaming, "NAKKIIIEEE TIIIMMMEE!" But luckily for them, nudity is censored.

The guards of DOOM came and arrested Ed for indecent exposure. But one of the guards was an Ed fangirl so she stole him and dragged him to her hotel room where she RAPED HIM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

Meanwhile, Roy and Riza were making out. YAY!

Then, randomly,it began to rain condoms...Condoms that smelt of Christmas pee...yes, PEE, HAVEN'T YOU EVER PEED ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE BEFORE?...Don't question me. Then, Al was revived and he and Winry danced while the condoms rained down. Denny and Maria took this as their cue and ran off to the SexAMaCoaster! The newest ride at disneyland.

Then everyone went cannibal and ate Jesus.

Jesus cried because he's wimpy like that, not cool like Satan.

Roy and Riza were then arrested f or making out in public and were thrown into the same jail cell, a bad call on the people's part because they started fucking. Oooooooooh dear.

In conclusion, everybody was having sex as a Christmas present. Yeah, even Denny. YAY!

Then, a timebeast came and devoured everyone, sending them back in time before they got on the hippo.

"YAY! I AM NOT BEING RAPPED BY FANGIRLS!" Ed shouted. "I HAVE NOT BEEN DEFLOWERED!" he then did a little dance, people watched and put pennies up Ed's nose. Why? ...Because he has a big nose, that's why.

Denny cried. "SHIT! DO I HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN FOREVER!" He sobbed.

"Yup." Roy said.

"That's not your call."

"so?"

"MARIAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Yes, Denny?"

"DO I HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN FOREVER!"

"Depends on how drunk I get."

Everyone stood there for a while before deciding that the hippo looked like Havoc. So they all hopped on him HAPPI! The hippo took them to a magicall land called "Girls, Girls, Girls" where the ladies all became hawt strippers because Jesus told them to. The guys all got bored so they went in drag to become strippers.

When Denny saw Maria in all her stripper glory, all the men at the place got a good show because Denny finally lost his virginity on the little table and they all thoucht they were lesbians.

When a guy put money in Riza's panties, Mr. Overprotective-Roy-Man punched him out and they started catfighting. Only since they were both men, I guess they were dogfighting.

Jesus was in the back room, making out with God. Takkie and Mr. Clean were going to hell for writing this fic.

* * *

A/N: That was...awkward. Yes, I are sorry for the long wait, but we have LIVES. And I wrote more crap. :D HAPPI.

NOW REVEIW, and yes me and Ari are satanic...and stuff.

-Chibeh-


	9. Bonus: Angel Chat

A/N: I am so nice, dear for Chibeh made a crack bonus for CIH.

There will most likely be more of these Angel Chats throughout the chapters. SO FEAR.

* * *

**Bonus: Angel Chat!**

Above, in heaven, or possibly upstairs, sat a bunch of angels, watching over our seven lovely Preeschool dropouts.

Trisha Elric sadly pointed to Al. "Yes, that is my son...the cat-molesting maniac."

Sara Rockbell and her husband Man (they never say his name..so he is now Man Rockbell XD) Rockbell pointed to Winry. "Our daughter...OH WHY DID I HAVE TO SMOKE CRACK WHEN I WAS PREGGERS?" Sara cried into Man's chest as he proceeded to eat some pudding, that wasn't _really _pudding.

Brudis Mustang pointed to Roy. "Mine."

Twtchy Ross and Woman-Man Bloch sat silently, too afraid to speak.

Then, Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket pointed to Ed. "DAS MAH BOOIII! NOT YOURS, TRISHIE! MINE! YOU WIHS YOU HAD A WOMANLY SON LIKE I DOO!EH."

Trishie looked at Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket and asked, "Who is his birth father?"

"COLIN MOCHRIE! THE DEXAY BALDING MANM FROM WHOSE LINEE!" then Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket passed out from all the shouting, that and her angelic appendix just burst.

"Now that we are aware of who's sla--I MEAN KID is whos. LET US TALK...HOMIEZ." shouted the over-energetic Trishie-kins.

Brudis raised her hand and said, "Me want food." then she passed out from the exaustion of saying more than one word.

"Lovely, at least you don't smoke more crack than the recomended dose like SUNFLOWER DAISY DID!"

Sunflower Daisy Hotbocket came alive again and shouted, "YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" and then went back to being dead. Like a good Canadian Hippie. Then she came back again, "AND YOU DON'T SMOKE CRACK! YOU SNIFF IT! GAWSH!"

Sara walked over to Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket and pointed a gun at her, "AWRIGHT! WHERE'S YOUR STASH, BIACH?"

Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket screamed and ran around. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIVVEE!"

Sara began to chase her, "OH YES I WILL!"

"NO YOU WON'T!"

"YES I WILL!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU you won't!"

"I BET MY FLAMING THONGS ON IT THAT I DOOO!"

"NOOOO! NOT FLAMING THONGS!"

Then, Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket jumped out of the window of Heaven and plummeted down to Earth and SMOOOOSHED a poor crack addict and stole his stash and sniffing some. Then she stole Drew Carey's Motercycle and rode off into the distance.

"Well...that was...interesting...yes..." Trishie stated before Sara jumped on her screaming, "WHERE IS YOUR STAAAAAAAAASSHHH?"

Brudis came back and ate Man Rockbell and then said, "Man good." and died.

Twitchy twitched while Woman-Man tried to kill her-himself. It didn't work since she was already dead.

Then Suppahhappi Hawkeye ran in and said, "ARE YOU HAPPY? BEACAUSE I AM SO HAPPY!" then died from being over-happy.

Then Chibeh typed 'The End' and it was all over.

* * *

A/N: I am weird without Ari XD I need help, and yes, her name IS Sunflower Daisy Hotpocket. FEAR HER, for she is Ed's TRUE birthmother XD

Most likely there will be more of these.

-Chibeh-


	10. Chapter 8 and Reincarnation

**Chapter 8 and Reincarnation**

**

* * *

**The next morning, everyone but Riza had a hangover. They were all over the furniture because they were cheap and only got one hotel room. Riza got an EVIL idea. She melted the fridge and poured the molten fridge over Roy's head. The scalding hot metal woke him up and somehow dried instantly. Roy put his hands on his head nad pulled off all his hair in one big clump. "NUUUU! I AM BALDING!"

Riza stared at Roy's head. "SWEET! CAN I TATOO SOMETHING ONTO YOUR HEAD!" she shouted perkifully. She immedietly pulled out one of those tatoo-needles. "DO YOU WANT A PUPPY!" she asked. "OR A KITTY-CAT? 'CAUSE I AM GUNNA GIVE YOU A KITTY-CAT!" Roy twitched as Riza turned on the needle."WOW!" she shouted. "I REALLY WISH I KNEW HOW TO USE THIS! WAIT! STOP! RUUUUNNNIIINNNGG!"

Roy slapped Riza away and jumped out the window. He landed on a fat man. It was...

"HOW DARE YOU FALL ON MY STINEY!" Havoc cried. "Are you alright my darling!" He whimpered, dragging the lump of squish out from under Roy. Then he started crying. "YOU KEEL'D MY LOVE! YOU KEEL'D HIM DED!" Roy sweatdropped and ran away. Away to...BRAIN'S HUMAN HAIRPEICES! It was run by a disembodied brain, who was sad because he had no hair so he killed people and used their hair to make wigs. THe brain thing eeked Roy out a little, but he got a wig from him anyway. It was a pink mullet.

Roy walked back to the hotel room, feeling very SEXAY, OH SO SEXAY! And...I'll stop now.. But anyways, he looked like a gay-biker-hippie-pimp-whore. Which was now apparently, a trend. Roy frolliced his way home, like the gay-biker-hippie-pimp-whore that he now was. But as he walked, he heard something.

"FOOL! DON'T GO BACK TO THEM! THEY WON'T UNDERSTAND US, BABY! WE MUST BUY YOU A HARLEY! AND THAT WILL BE OUR FIRSTSTEP TO WORLD DOMINATIOOOONNN!"

Roy gasped, knowing who was talking, "OH GREAT! I FINNALY GET A MULLET AND IT WANTS WORLD DOMMINATION! I WILL NEVER GIVE INTO YOU, MR. MULLET!"

The Mullet jumped off his head and shouted, "Then give me your sooooouuuulll!"

"NEVER!" Roy shouted.

"Well then, I MUST KILL YOU!" The mullet then jumped at Roy, attacking his face and stealing his sould. As Roy fell to the ground, the mullet muttered, "Eeeeeexxxeeeellllleeeennnntttt..." and then hopped up the stairs to the hotel room to kill the others.

The mullet bounced up the stairs to the hotel room and slithered unter the door. Riza didn't notice as she was in the shower. Hawt. Edo's mouth was hanging wide open, so the Mullet, who was named Steve, tried to jump in to Ed's brain through his mouth. Sadly, Ed was dreaming about TACOS, so he ate the mullet. From then on, Ed suffered severe indigestion and was never the same again...so sad.

Winry walked out to the balcony that randomly just appeared for a free buffet but NOOO damned lying fliers...I'll shut up now.

But anyways, Winry looked over the balcony and peered throught all the SMOG AND CRAP that was in the air. She gasped upon realising something very important, "ED! YOU OWE ME FIVE BUCKS!" Then she spotted something on the ground.

"Gasp." She said. "It's Roy. Gasp. Oh no...gasp." She jumped off the balcony and landed on Havoc, breaking his spine as she was wearing SPIKEH HEELS. So yeah. She ran over to Roy and dug through his pockets. "SCORE!" she shouted as she found his wallet.

She opened it and screamed, "WHAT! TWO BUCKS! CHEAPSKATE!" she then kicked him in the groin and left him to his new life of being eaten by rats.

Havoc's soul then somehow fused with Roy's and Roy sprang back into ACTION AND FULL COLOR! He got realllllly comfused and thought winry was Riza, so he glomped her and tried to make out with her. Winry hit him in the scrotum with a size 4836659036485 wrench. It killed roy's chest hair. Roy celebrated by buying a bunch of copper wire and cutting apart snaked with it.

Out of pure boredom, Satan showed up. "Hey homie biscut homie G biscut homie dawgs. Since you all BORE THE FUCKING HELL OUTTA ME, I am rewarding you by forcing you all to Rap...FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIIIIIVVVEEESSS!"

"But wait!" Winry protested. "ED IS CANADIAN! AND YOU KNOW CANADIANS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO RAP OUTSIDE OF...of..." she had a blonde moment. "Of... CANADIA... Oo"

Ed glomped winry. "THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME LOVERRRRRRRRRR!"

Roy looked at Riza in a suggestive manner and attacked her. "MAKE OUT WITH ME OH LOVERR!"

"NO OH RETARDED ALSO LOVER!"

"...-emosob-"

"HA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WIN!"

Satan stared at all of them. "WEEEEEELLLL, there is ONE...or THREE...Or maybe four, I never learned how to count. BUT ANYWAYS, There are...SOME that shall be forced to rap...some by the names of...ARUUFONZUUU ELUURRIIKKKUUU or Aru and...DENNEH AND MARIIAA. So fear mah curse, hommiiiieeeezzzz!" Then he randomly poofed away into the mist, that damned, evil mist.

Al jumped out from behind a cactus that just showed up, wearing cat ears and a skimpy pink dress. Then he began the most horrible rap that has ever been...rapped. "MEW MEW STYLE, MEW MEW GRACE! MEW MEW POWER, IN YOUR FAAAAAAAAAACCEEE!" O.O

Everyone sweatdropped and ran away in terror screaming "OMGNO!11! 4RU 15 4 7R4N5V35173!" (translation: Oh my god! No! Al is a transvestite!) Our l337 friends then fell off a cliff and died a horrible, painful death. But, since they were naked, they were all reincarnated.

They were all reincarnated into loverly cowz, then taken to a butcher shop where the evil butcher-man killed dem and sent them to Wendy's, where they became lunch to a bunch of fat tourists. Then, later they were reincarnated again as Turtles. But their flavor? We shall never know. Then they were made into loveleh stew that tasted like crap. Yum.

* * *

We be random. YAY Fear us, and I hope we do not get flamed by the Mew Mew Power lovers...oh dear god...

-Chibeh- (who thinks Mew Mew Power sucks and Tokyo Mew Mew ROCKS)


End file.
